Friday, December 24, 2004
Not a creature was cleaning
a) I was on a lot of drugs when I wrote that last post (literally, I had no idea what I was doing, I don't even remember writing it now) and I have not gone off to Bridges. I'm going to Graydon on the 29th, though. Hooray!
b) I need someone to house my caterpillars for the winter. Someone with an unheated garage or a deck that's shielded from the rain/snow/wind. I want them to go through whatever weird hormonal changes occur while they're secreting antifreeze.
c) We're having a vegetarian Christmas dinner at my request. That's gonna be FUN! I'll probably return here with all the excruciating details.
d) For Kelsey and Miranda -- remember that hideous green purse I bought? Well, I went shopping for a present for my sister (with her along, of course) at Temptations, and brought along the handbag. She kept protesting "I'm embarrassed to be seen with you and that THING" but I love it and dragged it along anyway. However, in the parking lot, because it was about zero fucking degrees with windchill, I wanted to put my hands in my coat pockets, and since she had on a sweatshirt and could just pull it over her hands, I asked her to carry the bag for me until we entered the store. So, two seconds after she has taken the bag and my hands are safetly stowed, some woman walks by, gives Michelle a weird look, and goes, "I like your bag."
I laughed for like, ten thousand years.
e) I was dropping off some presents, and on the way to Kelsey's house, I noticed a street named "KILKENNY." And I am such a South Park nerd... Jesus Christ, I thought I would pee in my pants. (I'm going out on Sunday with my mom to get a picture.)
f) MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Wasn't that cheesy?
christopher @ 8:35 PM
Friday, December 10, 2004
Suicide Bootcamp
Alright, I'm off to Bridges Residential....
So, pray for me, okay?
christopher @ 9:47 AM
Monday, December 06, 2004
While the getting's hot
Hahahaha... oh, Jesus. I've been keeping a woolly bear caterpillar for about a month, affectionately named "Arturo," I'm sure I've told some of you about him. Well, a week ago, my parents woke me up with a present: a second caterpillar that they'd found on our doorstep. They told me that I didn't have to keep her, and that they could put her back outside if I wanted. Well, you can't bring a small animal into my room and expect me to send it out. (They should know me better.) Besides, I figured Arturo could use a playmate while he... sleeps in his container waiting for the spring. So I named her "Arturette" and threw her in.
Well Arturo has been asleep the whole week, and Arturette has been asleep most of it. So I don't check on them all that often... it's just not that exciting to watch them sit around on their asses. But I woke up about an hour ago because I foolishly thought that I didn't really need two clonidine last night. So I've been, you know, writing a little, and drawing a little, reading slash a little. And I was just about to head to the bathroom (aren't you glad I filled you in?) when I took a look inside their little plastic home and noticed that the two are getting rather cozy. i.e., Arturette is sleeping directly on top of Arturo. Well, I suppose even caterpillars need their fill.
Wait. No, they don't.
I think that perhaps living in my room for so long has atomically altered my poor virgin caterpillars and made them horny mutant ones. Or maybe Arturo has just died without me knowing and Arturette fell asleep whilst eating his brains. But I like the mutant sex creature theory better. It's just as funny without actually being horribly traumatizing. Anyway, it gave me a good laugh. (Well, it would give me a laugh, but then so do a number of other perverse things.
Christine : [zoomed in on picture in Paint Shop adding shading to a Christmas tree]
Mother : [walks in without knocking] "Oh my god, Christine. Are you working on a Christmas picture? That's so... unlike you."
Christine : "No, it isn't." [zooms out to original size, where four mice are sitting around their table amid a glimmering tree and cozy fireplace, bowing their heads before enjoying their Christmas feast consisting primarily of a small, orange-clad child]
Mother : "..."
Christine : "Isn't it cute?"
Mother : "Christine... I love you... but you're a little demented, honey. [walks out])
Anyway, hope you all have a happy December... I will be spending most of it being interviewed by residential therapy centers. Hooray! Christmas spirit is so bountiful this time of year.
(P.S. The image used in this layout is copyright Eito, to whom I sent an e-mail asking permission to incorporate it into my layout, which was never responded to. Shhhh!)
christopher @ 4:09 AM
Thursday, November 25, 2004
End of ze world
christopher @ 6:12 PM
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
People, people, people...
I loved Gren from the start. Because he's a tragic hero who also happens to be gorgeous, blah blah blah. So does every other girl in the universe. (He's the perfect bish, come on.)
Until they find out he has boobs.
SERIOUSLY. I mean, he's even still a GUY. He has a PENIS. But everyone's like "Oh, eww, I'm sorry, but I just don't love you anymore because you are no longer my sexual fantasy." Gag me.
If you truly believe that personality is the backbone of a good relationship, then look for that : a personality. If you really love someone, you should be able to fall in love with them with a blindfold over your face. Then, when you take it off, nothing should change. That is love. Anything else is mere sexual attraction.
There's my rant for the day. (Oh, and have a happy Thanksgiving.)
christopher @ 6:37 PM
Monday, November 15, 2004
Tut tut, it looks like rain!
First of all, we've gotten a new addition to the family! Unfortunately it is no child of mine, because even though I'm sure there is a long line of men outside my door waiting to have unprotected sex with me, I've been holing myself up again inside the house, leaving only to stand outside the back door with my dog going "Oh wow, it's starting to smell like winter!" as if he could actually understand me and wouldn't make fun of me if he could. What it is, however, is a cute little kitten, which is the second best thing, because now my dog will have something to do when I'm asleep.
Tangent : the sheer bias of god against me. The kitten is Michelle's, which I don't mind, because the dog is mine and the cat (senior) is my mom's, although they both end up crawling into my dad's lap by the end of the day because my mom and I are rather on what you might call the annoying side. But the reason they got the cat for my sister is because I am going to residential school (it's officially been approved by the county, which maybe I should have saved for a longer news article but had to mention it here because of the damned cat) and she needs someone to play with while I'm gone.
So consider this. Christine : scheduled to be shipped to an insane asylum where I will be beaten senseless by girls who don't like my hair. Michelle : gets a kitten. Christine : ends up getting raped by the pig-tailed redhead affectionately dubbed "George," because the dormitory is girls-only. Michelle : gets a kitten. Does this seem unfair to anyone else? Anyway.
Next piece of news. They are tacking another counselor onto my now-impressive list. Her name is Christine (and yes, ah ha ha ha ha, she has my name, I know, get over it please) and she works at the same center as Wendi. Apparently four hours a week is not enough. I am that over the edge. I need two counselors to come to my home, in addition to having the psychiatrist I get my pills from, the psychologist I get my "how are you feeling?" speeches from, and the social worker whose office I am allowed to hang out in during the school hours because they are that desperate to get me to Woodson.
Soon I will need one of those Freud guys going, "Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar."
I know that I told Kelsey and Sara this, but for those of you who didn't know, I was right about the penis envy thing. The phrase "penis envy" was coined by Freud and is the fake condition in which girls envy the male genitalia because it is the symbol of power and whatnot. (In reality, it is compensation for the menstrual cycle, and every time a girl stains her new jeans, somewhere, there is a boy getting a hard-on during English class.) It is not a guy thinking "dude, that new kid is huge" in the locker room. Also, boys, DON'T LOOK. IT'S RUDE.
Right, so, I can stay on track.
I lost computer privileges last week (again, not that you'd know) as my punishment for essentially telling Wendy to fuck off because I was tired, I don't care if I end up in juvenile hall, I really can't be bothered to fix myself, yo momma so fat, etcetera. Well, as it turns out, all I do is go on the computer. The only alternative interests I pursue are eating, sleeping, pretending to play instruments to look cool, and drawing, so that I can scan in the sketches to color on my computer. So do you know what I ended up doing late one night about three days in?
Painting a picture of Kenny from South Park using puff paints and q-tips because white-out and nail polish weren't sufficient.
(Of course, there were other low moments, like helping Michelle pick french fry bits out of her carpet, playing catch-the-clothes-hanger with the kitten, and watching Spice World, but I think that the second I dipped that first q-tip into fabric paint I hit the bottom.)
Well. I've thoroughly depressed myself all over again. But on the bright side, after hours worth of clearing the debris from my sister's room, I've earned the computer back... and just in time to make me late for my meeting with counselor no.1 in an hour! Anyone want to come over and help me do my hair? Thanks in advance. You're a pal.
christopher @ 1:47 PM
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Jingle Jingle
And it's not a blow-up doll!
I'm thinking matte print, 18x24 inch. $47. A couple of you could team up and be like, "Alright, we can stop trying to harvest organs now." If you love me, you will do this for me. I have wanted this as a print since I first saw it on deviantart and realized that I was the only human on the face of the earth who actually got it. (Which is a strange thought.) Besides, it would go so well with the Ikea look that I am trying to do with my room as soon as someone fixes our roof and my walls stop collapsing in on themselves.
Ready. Set. GO!
(I hope you know that I am seriously expecting this, by the way. If Christmas comes and this is not hanging on my wall, I will have a nice wreath of abdominal organs to hang up instead.)
christopher @ 6:04 PM