Friday, September 10, 2004

Pant Pant Wheeze Wheeze Die

It is finally Friday. I honestly did not think I would live to see this day. Well, that's a bit melodramatic and emo of me, but I have been majorly overworked (you know, not having done anything at all in the past year) and haven't been able to find the time to write on this thing. Though believe me, there is so very much I have been meaning to say. But I don't want to bore you... so I'll just tell you every single thing about my week.

Tuesday (Day 1) : Alarm went off at 6:00 am for the first time in well over a year. Naturally, I got up to hit the snooze alarm. Could not find the snooze alarm. So I just flopped back into bed after turning the alarm off and was woken ten minutes later by screaming parents. Whatever. (I was so tempted to write "whatev" just now....) Well I got up. And I grabbed something suitably black from my closet. And you'll never guess what I did then.

I got in the car with Wendi and I WENT TO SCHOOL. Throw me a fucking party or something.

All the periods were really short, because on the first day you attend all your classes, but it was cool getting to see all your classrooms and getting lost trying to find them all.

First period is gym. Full of hot guys. Unfortunately, hot guys who have failed ninth grade three times which explains them being so mature looking. There was this one goth chick in the class at the tip top of the bleachers who I was tempted to compliment on her mad eyeliner skills, but halfway through that customary lecture on the importance of locking up your gym lockers so no one steals your amazing gym uniform, she realized she was in the wrong class and left. Hooray! I look forward to hating that class.

Second period is biology honors. The teacher has got a southern accent that will surely kill me before the year is over, and of course she did not listen when I explained that it is more humane and cheaper for the school if you use a computer program instead of actual frogs. However, there is a girl in that class with dyed black hair and skin even paler than mine, which is sadly the highlight of the period.

Third period is English in the center. There are six people in the class. Literally. Six people. But it's awesome; none of us did our English assignments, but because we're all "emotionally disabled" there was absolutely no punishment. The teacher just suggested that we read the book over the next two weeks because on the 21st there will be a test. I love the center, by the way.

Fourth period is history/geography, again in the center. This is my favorite class, mainly because while the center is split between goths and home boys, my history class falls more on the ghetto side. It's a hilarious class, we never shut up, and we totally get away with it, too. We were discussing The Exorcist when the guy who sits next to me (Wesley, I think) got up and did an impression of the demon girl projectile vomiting. I almost pissed in my pants. And, as an added bonus, my teacher is Jamaican. Accent intact and everything.

Fifth period is geometry honors. The only class I really want to kill myself in, solely because I am the only "alternative" (I'm refraining from calling myself goth right now because I have been making fun of those kids for about a week straight) kid in the class. Everyone else is so preppy and talkative that it makes me want to vomit. During lunch I slip away and bleed thinking about them.

Sixth period is Spanish 1. Yes, 1. I realized that that joke I made about "hola" and "hamberguesa" was actually true, and I couldn't live with that. Besides, now that I'm at Woodson where this is no IB program, I only have to take three years of foreign language. And I intend to.

Seventh period is art. That class is so very much like kindergarten that you'd have to experience it to believe it. We are basically allowed to do anything at all we'd like, so long as we don't touch anyone else or their artwork, follow general curriculum, and clean up after ourselves. There's an Asian girl in there that reminds me so much of Grace that I laugh every time I look at her. She's the cutest thing ever, even if she is a senior. She makes all those adorable/annoying (depending on how you look at it) noises Grace does, and she talks in this cute whiny voice when she wants people to be quiet. She's caught me smiling at her, like, twenty times. She probably thinks I'm going to rape her the minute the teacher leaves the room. Which I will.

Wednesday (Day 2) : Wednesday was the first day I got to ride my bus. You know, the special ED bus they send out to retrieve kids who really should be going to Robinson due to location, but have been kicked out for reasons I don't care to fathom. (Except Cameron. He informed me that he was kicked out for brandishing a weapon on school property. And that he was literally dragged out of the school by police.) The only reason it didn't show Tuesday was because I'd only just been registered the previous week and they hadn't had time to set up the route.

I love the bus, no, really, I do. There are less than ten of us that ride it, the back half of the bus doesn't even have seats, and every time we make a sharp turn the sides of the bus rattle. You only notice that in the morning, though, because in the afternoon all we do (and by "we" I am referring to myself, Cameron, his blonde friend, and James, the really short, foulmouthed kid who occasionally hangs out with Veena) is make fun of the two deaf kids and this one really retarded guy who refers to me as "Lady Lesbian." Actually, the two deaf kids are cool and I really like them, but the other... I would like to see get hit by a truck.

Kelsey will lecture me for making fun of someone (actually, I'm lying, she already has lectured me) but this is the kind of person who really has it coming. He thinks every girl in the world wants him, and doesn't understand why I would want to date girls instead. (Actually, I don't want to date girls, but I said something about albino chicks being hot and as he thought I was being serious, the only thing to do was keep playing along. Though in all fairness, I would rather date a girl than date him.) He keeps trying to get us to hook him up with this girl Sarah, the only other girl who rides our bus, and when we tell him that she wants him bad, he actually believes us.

Cameron told him to ask her, "Have you ever experienced nine inches?"

And he did.

This was also the first day I wore my boots in public. And for all you bastards who told me that those boots are the most hideous things you've ever seen, I got loads of compliments, including one from this guy who I literally stared at for five seconds after he said it, completely blinded by his sheer hotness factor. He had to repeat uneasily, "Your boots. They're cool." before I finally realized that I was frowning at him like he was a zoo exhibit and collected myself, then scurried off with a mumbled "thanks" feeling like the biggest spaz in the world. Which, truth be told, I probably am.

Thursday (Holiday) : Oh, come on, you didn't honestly think I'd make it to a whole week of school, did you? My alarm went off at 5:30, and I literally could not open my eyes. It was like they were glued together with that Sally Hansen wax. My dad eventually had to come in to rouse me out of my sleeping death, and I made it as far as the bathroom with my eyes still clamped shut when the nausea kicked in. Two days without medicine you are physically dependent on will really catch up to you.

Imagine the worst migraine you've ever had, coupled with crippling sleep deprivation. That was me. Only with wet curly hair and a really mad temper.

So I stayed home and ate comfort food all day. And took my goddamn medication.

Friday (Day what should be 4) : We had our pep rally today. I cannot tell you what fun that was. Sweltering sunlight and cheerleaders. I thought I would die. I seriously, seriously contemplated jumping down through the little gaps beneath the bleachers. I actually looked down to see how far the fall was, but it looked far enough that I would definitely end up on my ass with a broken leg and then have to have someone come rescue me.

So I maintained my pride by sitting by myself and whining loudly about the heat for half an hour.

The actual school bit of the day was fun, ironically; for one, I had history today, during which I learned how to open cabinets. I forget what I was trying to put away, but I was the first one to finish it, and needed to open the fourth period cabinet. I struggled for about five minutes before loudly announcing that the drawer was locked. There are only about ten people in the class, too, so everyone heard me, and a couple people came over to try and help. Wesley crossed in front of me, grabbed the cabinet door, and it slid right open. I stared in awe.

"It's open."

So he left, but he closed the door behind him, and when I tried to open it back up, it was stuck again. By this time, people had started laughing, and I had started whimpering. "Why won't it open for me??"

"Christine... you have to press down the release next to the handle."

Silence.

"... so I was totally just kidding about not being able to open the door."

And for the rest of the class, I had to open the door for everyone, and got a little round of applause every time I successfully got it. I thought I might melt right into the floor.

And the bus ride home was fantastic. Cameron and his friend were, as usual, harassing our retard friend, whose name I think is Greg. Apparently, they had been adding to the lesbian rumor while I was gone.

"Are you really a lesbian?!" he asked as I walked on the bus, Cameron grinning behind him. I tried really, really hard not to laugh.

"Yes."

"You don't look like a lesbian."

"... how can I not look like a lesbian? Do I have to be fucking a girl to look like a lesbian?"And then he had a boy moment. A true, glorious, boy moment.

"Can lesbians have babies?"

I love Woodson.

christopher @ 5:03 PM