Sunday, October 17, 2004

The Excused Absence of Christine

Whoo, it's been... over a month, huh? Amazing how little time you have to write when you're going to school everyday and working part-time at the animal shelter to feed hungry kittens. [cue lightning bolt] Okay, I probably don't have a good excuse this time, but I'm trying to make amends over here, and you'd goddamn better appreciate it, because my cat -- who no one seems to think is actually out to get me -- has been "curled up innocently" in my lap all day... sneezing all over me and my keyboard. So I am elbow deep in cat snot, people.

I suppose the first thing to do after a month of absence (expect for that occasional moment when I would show up for a few hours and someone would yell "WOW YOU LOOK LIKE A HOOKER" or "HE'S NOT A GIRL CHRISTINE") is to do a quick news report to let you all in on the current rock and hard place I'm trapped between.

Right. So... got kicked out of school for the... er... forth time? (My math is a little fuzzy, if you will, Bush fans.) I'll bet that bus driver was glad to knock me off her roster. But I've yet to reach that sweet sixteen (although some sources, like that silly Woodson attendance officer, say eighteen) when I can officially say "fuck school," so I'm still having regular IEPs. Which, naturally, I am not even going to.

Basically, I am having my next door neighbor Mrs. Taylor -- whose dog my sister "didn't kill" -- go to them for me and give them hell in my stead. And also possibly try to get me into a residential (i.e. boarding-for-lunatics) school so that I can go to college and not end up working as a prostitute on the streets of... Burke. What a happy thought. Although I suppose at least in prison I would get regular access to hot meals and sex, right? (I really shouldn't say things like this, my dad and possibly my dad's co-workers read this thing....)

And I know that you all really really love me and I know that you would really rather have me stay here in Fairfax because I know that you might wither up and die without my unyielding radiance, but I would like to state for the record that being mad and unable to attend public school is my ticket to -- get this -- free boarding school.

That's right. God damn I love that Americans with disabilities act. (Are you aware that I'm crazy enough to be considered disabled? The system fails in my favor again!) Because of Bush and his "no child left behind" policy, the school system is obligated to find some way to get my ass in school no matter their own personal cost. Ah ha ha ha. So, as soon as the processing goes through, I'm off to fabulous Graydon Manor (this is our target school, anyway) to learn and incorporate important interpersonal lessons: respect for self and others, responsibility for one's actions, and successful conflict resolution.

Only downside : no uniforms. Boo hoo. You're required to wear uniforms at Carlbrook, which was my original dream school, until I found out that it was within walking distance of crazy grandma and that I was only allowed one visit home during my fifteen month stay. (And the chances of someone at Carlbrook bringing me a cheese danish and slash manga every week seemed pretty slim.)

Speaking of things that go "HARDER!" in the night....

Here comes my excuse for leaving this thing to rot : though I have not, admittedly, been busy doing homework, socializing with humans, feeding the poor, etc, I have been working day in and day out (not really sure what that expression is supposed to mean, actually) on my side job : throwing together the dementia in my brain to create what some people might call art and place it on display to have people eat out my heart and soul.

My life for the past couple of weeks has been dedicated solely to fanfiction, fictionpress, deviantart, my music (which doesn't have a site but my dog really seems to like), and of course the cheese danish that has been so supportive of me through it all. Since my last post I've put up four fanfictions (most of them shameless smut), two poems, two short stories, seven pictures, and completed the little piano piece I started writing a while back.

I'm not on my life going to give you my fanfiction or fictionpress addresses, because I'd rather not have my comment box filled with Sara going "YOU SICK BITCH! MOSES WOULD BE SO ASHAMED!" (You get the idea.) But, because none of you have deviantart accounts and can't flame my half-naked doodles, here's my address! http://strawberry-stained.deviantart.com/ Hahaha. Have fun with that.

Erm... anything else I've forgotten to mention? Let's see... Miranda, I still have your sweatshirt, I'm thinking of just mailing it to you because I won't remember it otherwise... Grace, you MADE me put on that skirt, and also, did you know that Kelsey has never had Dippin' Dots?... Kels, I am lending you Eerie Queerie because it is fab... and... uh... I think that is it. Hooray! My entire month has been summed up in a page and a half. Have a lovely afternoon, kids.

christopher @ 3:19 PM