Monday, November 15, 2004

Tut tut, it looks like rain!

Life. Events happening in sequential order. That thing I'm supposed to be writing about here so that you all know I'm still alive. (Because you DO care.) I'd like to note, by the way, that many landmark events have happened since my last post, but not one single person would know because sadly it's no longer abnormal for me to take leave from life for a week or so and I don't get those "Hey, Mrs. Camp, Christine in the hospital again?" phone calls anymore.

First of all, we've gotten a new addition to the family! Unfortunately it is no child of mine, because even though I'm sure there is a long line of men outside my door waiting to have unprotected sex with me, I've been holing myself up again inside the house, leaving only to stand outside the back door with my dog going "Oh wow, it's starting to smell like winter!" as if he could actually understand me and wouldn't make fun of me if he could. What it is, however, is a cute little kitten, which is the second best thing, because now my dog will have something to do when I'm asleep.

Tangent : the sheer bias of god against me. The kitten is Michelle's, which I don't mind, because the dog is mine and the cat (senior) is my mom's, although they both end up crawling into my dad's lap by the end of the day because my mom and I are rather on what you might call the annoying side. But the reason they got the cat for my sister is because I am going to residential school (it's officially been approved by the county, which maybe I should have saved for a longer news article but had to mention it here because of the damned cat) and she needs someone to play with while I'm gone.

So consider this. Christine : scheduled to be shipped to an insane asylum where I will be beaten senseless by girls who don't like my hair. Michelle : gets a kitten. Christine : ends up getting raped by the pig-tailed redhead affectionately dubbed "George," because the dormitory is girls-only. Michelle : gets a kitten. Does this seem unfair to anyone else? Anyway.

Next piece of news. They are tacking another counselor onto my now-impressive list. Her name is Christine (and yes, ah ha ha ha ha, she has my name, I know, get over it please) and she works at the same center as Wendi. Apparently four hours a week is not enough. I am that over the edge. I need two counselors to come to my home, in addition to having the psychiatrist I get my pills from, the psychologist I get my "how are you feeling?" speeches from, and the social worker whose office I am allowed to hang out in during the school hours because they are that desperate to get me to Woodson.

Soon I will need one of those Freud guys going, "Sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar."

I know that I told Kelsey and Sara this, but for those of you who didn't know, I was right about the penis envy thing. The phrase "penis envy" was coined by Freud and is the fake condition in which girls envy the male genitalia because it is the symbol of power and whatnot. (In reality, it is compensation for the menstrual cycle, and every time a girl stains her new jeans, somewhere, there is a boy getting a hard-on during English class.) It is not a guy thinking "dude, that new kid is huge" in the locker room. Also, boys, DON'T LOOK. IT'S RUDE.

Right, so, I can stay on track.

I lost computer privileges last week (again, not that you'd know) as my punishment for essentially telling Wendy to fuck off because I was tired, I don't care if I end up in juvenile hall, I really can't be bothered to fix myself, yo momma so fat, etcetera. Well, as it turns out, all I do is go on the computer. The only alternative interests I pursue are eating, sleeping, pretending to play instruments to look cool, and drawing, so that I can scan in the sketches to color on my computer. So do you know what I ended up doing late one night about three days in?

Painting a picture of Kenny from South Park using puff paints and q-tips because white-out and nail polish weren't sufficient.

(Of course, there were other low moments, like helping Michelle pick french fry bits out of her carpet, playing catch-the-clothes-hanger with the kitten, and watching Spice World, but I think that the second I dipped that first q-tip into fabric paint I hit the bottom.)

Well. I've thoroughly depressed myself all over again. But on the bright side, after hours worth of clearing the debris from my sister's room, I've earned the computer back... and just in time to make me late for my meeting with counselor no.1 in an hour! Anyone want to come over and help me do my hair? Thanks in advance. You're a pal.

christopher @ 1:47 PM